Hysteria Lane
i am making no promises...if i have something to say i'll post it here...
Saturday, April 3, 2010
the Lane earns its name...
...some is fact, some is fiction, names have been changed but no one is innocent...

So, my neighbor Joan comes over a few months ago. She is upset and crying. She says she feels like the neighborhood is judging her because of what's been happening at her house. You see, the police had been to her house at least four times in a matter of three weeks. Twice that I saw myself. One time, Joan's husband John was sitting "Indian style" in the driveway, far from the front door and appeared to be handcuffed. Unfortunately I did not get to see what happened next, I had to take my son to school. On the other occasion, I did not see anyone or hear anything except for the police cars, there were four of them. Now I am not one to find pleasure in other peoples misfortune but I am a gossip girl and love a good story. Would you have turned away?

I didn't think so.

Anyway, Joan proceeds to tell us about her husband, his falling off the wagon, hurting her and the kids, buying illegal drugs in Mexico and going off his prescribed meds. Taking her at her word we offered her our support and help. Knowing that my husband Tim, a federal investigator, would be bound by law to protect her and her family, she requested that her husband be watched by the Bureau. John held a position at his job that held him responsible for the safety of the general public and it was Tim's job to make sure employee's like John did their job. Needless to say, John was put on a "watch list".

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posted by averagejane @ 9:02 PM   0 comments
Saturday, February 6, 2010
something to say...finally
this is a thank you note. a thank you note to my mother for giving me my sister.

before I had my own children no person had ever given me such joy. i was eight years old when she came into my world. she was the coolest. i learned how to be a mommy. changing diapers, feeding a little person and being smiled at for no earthly reason. I was hooked. after that, everything else out there paled in comparison to having this awesome responibility...i knew it then...i learned at eight years old what i wanted to be when i grew up. a mommy. because my baby sister made it look like so much fun.

my baby sister is now a twentysomething. over the years our relationship has grown. when we lived together we had that love hate relationship that only siblings share. when i moved out...we lost that...sometimes i wish i could grab that time back...i would have been more present in her life...but i was busy making mine and never stopped to ask her about hers...

i have been settled in my life for some time now...i have two little girls of my own and for the last 10 years kate and I have gotten back what was lost. i am not raising her anymore. she is grown and wonderful. we hardly fight. we like each other as people...and I think that even if we weren't sisters, we'd be friends...

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posted by averagejane @ 6:37 PM   0 comments
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
...an ice day?

...We can all identify with this...

You are seven years old. You wake up alll by yourself and get dressed for school. You are super excited because you are wearing your favorite outfit. You walk into your parents room, beaming and proud because you are ready to go!

Mom says, "Oh, hey honey, What are you doing up?"

Confused, you reply, "School, Mom."

Looking at you sweetly with such love, Mom says, "Go put your jammies back on and get in here with me. You have no school today!"

Excitedly, you rush into the foyer and peek out the front door. There is ICE everywhere! Slamming the door closed you rush back into your room, taking off clothes as you go. You put your jammies back on and crawl into bed with Mom. You snuggle up and watch the local news just so you can see your schools name on the closings list.

There it is.


Snow days, or ice days, are so far and few between here in North Texas that I can't help but be excited for the kids when they get the day off. We had waffles and hot chocolate for breakfast. Later, we are going to roast marshmallows in the fire place.

I hope your day is filled with this much fun!
posted by averagejane @ 8:26 AM   0 comments
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Miracle on the Hudson

Is there such a thing as a controlled water ditching...apparently there is. Today we all witnessed what can only be described as the single greatest water landing of a large commercial aircraft...ever. I am in awe of the crew of the Airbus A320, they not only kept it together but saved 155 Souls, themselves included.

As a former flight attendant I can say that what we saw today was a miracle...I am not an overly religious person but I believe and have faith and I am telling you that the Lord God Himself placed that airplane in the Hudson.

We are trained in what to do and say and how to act in the event of any and every possible emergency. We practice on mock aircraft, yell commands from wings that are suspended over a swimming pool. In our swim suits we ditch into the swimming pool and climb into an already inflated life raft. Every effort is made to prepare us for what may happen. I can't imagine how and what this crew is now feeling.

In training, the videos they make us watch do not include a water ditch with a high survival rate. Most of us watched first hand or have seen the video of the heartwrentching attempt by rescue crews in Washington DC to save passengers of Air Florida Flight 90, they themselves suffering in the frigid water and even dying. There were only five survivors on that snowy day, January 13, 1982.

I have experienced both a bird strike and an engine failure, thankfully not at the same time. They resulted in two emergency landings. No slides were deployed and no injuries occurrred. In both instances time moved so fast that I was not able to process what was happening. My mind was consumed with commands and procedure in the event that I needed to take action.

I loved flying. Still do. I like being a "passenger in the know". During every take off and landing I take note of where I am, where the exits are and who is sitting near by, just in case. I make sure I am buckled when seated, even if the seat belt sign is off. I make sure my family is buckled too.

Final note: Always be nice to your flight attendants...just in case they have to save your ass.

And...my two emergency landings were with my husband at the helm. He cooks, cleans and is quite the airman. What a guy! :-)

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posted by averagejane @ 4:10 PM   0 comments
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
go greener

I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he
spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority.
~Elwyn Brooks White, Essays of E.B. White, 1977

This past Earth Day that quote was pasted across the front of our local newspaper. I held onto that clipping for months only to spill coffee on it and ruin it. I don't mean to go all earth friendly superior on you but are you doing your part? Can you do more? I know I can.

People have been talking about earth friendliness for decades and with the recent surge due to the Go Green movement and Nobel Prize winning VP Al Gore's 'An Inconvenient Truth', I am feeling a bit irresponsible. Sure, I recycle. We even have a fertile garden in our own back yard. But still more can be done...

10 Easy Ways to go Greener....
  1. Change a Light Bulb
    Installing a compact fluorescent bulb (CFL) is the quickest, easiest way to save energy -- and money. Unlike incandescents, CFLs convert most of the energy they use into light rather than heat. Good for You: They consume about 75 percent less electricity and last up to 10 times longer (10,000 hours as opposed to 1,500). Replace one 75-watt incandescent bulb with a 25-watt CFL and save up to $83 over the life of the bulb.
  2. Unplug Things That Glow
    Anything that has an LED (light emitting diode) that glows even after you turn it off continues to draw power (that you pay for). Your TV, cell phone charger, and printer are likely culprits. Unplug the offenders from wall sockets and plug them into power strips instead. When you leave a room, flip the strip switch to cut the flow of electricity.
    Good for You: Unplug appliances and electronics that glow and you could save $200 a year.
  3. Recycle Your Electronics
    Americans tossed out a whopping 5.5 billion pounds of electronics -- TVs, stereos, cell phones, and computers -- in 2005, according to the Environmental Protection Agency. The result? Millions of pounds of chemicals and heavy metals ended up in the ground even though it's easier than ever to recycle electronics. The Consumer Electronics Association created mygreenelectronics.org to help people find a recycling resource in their area. The site also provides a list of electronics, from laptops to baby monitors, that are easier on the environment and your energy bill. Good for You: The average American household has three cell phones stashed in a drawer. Sell unused cell phones to greenphone.com. You'll receive about $35, and the phones will be refurbished and resold. If 1 million people recycled one cathode-ray tube TV this year, we'd keep 4 million pounds of lead out of the ground.

Tips number 4 thru 10... 10 Easy Ways to Go Green

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posted by averagejane @ 3:55 PM   0 comments
Saturday, September 6, 2008
unto every relationship a little fart may fall
"There is a moment in every relationship where romance gives way to reality.”
Words from our beloved Carrie Bradshaw after she farted in front of Mr. Big.

Its not like the thrill is gone. It’s not complacency.

It’s more than being comfortable with another person.

It’s intimacy.

And its not just about the bodily functions.

Its the freedom to be you. Your true self. Wholly being accepted for who and what you are by someone you love is the most wonderful thing that can happen to you.

You know, other than wholly accepting your own self for who and what you are. :-)

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posted by averagejane @ 10:04 PM   0 comments
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
...and the punchline is....


we're gonna win, we're gonna win

What's not funny...

"people's families are off limits and peoples children are especially of limits"--Barack Obama

Politicians have to understand that their families will be scrutinized however this doesn't give the media cart blanche to attack a politician's child. Bristol Palin is 17, pregnant and unmarried. Big deal. She is not the first pregnant teenager and sadly, not the last. The media should leave the girl alone.

What they should be talking about is the irony that the VP candidate believes in strong family values and teaching abstinence and not teaching sex education in schools. That Alaska has the highest teenage rate of sexually transmitted diseases in the country.


The absurdity is borderline humorous.

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posted by averagejane @ 8:09 AM   0 comments
About Me

Name: averagejane
Home: Texas
About Me: In spite of everyones best efforts to make me someone I am not, I became me. I like me.
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